Do we love our mums more than our dads?

by Tamsin Hemingray in At home on 10.06.08

It’s Father’s Day on Sunday, and I’m feeling slightly conflicted about how to celebrate it. Or whether to celebrate it. Isn’t it all a big marketing con? Made up by Americans? Just designed to make us consume more? I don’t need to buy my dad a card (wasting more of the world’s precious resources) just to let him know that I’m grateful he exists, do I?

I wouldn’t find all this quite so confusing were it not for the fact that when I consider my reaction to Mother’s Day - I feel quite differently. Yes, I know that it’s commercialised etc. etc. but the thought of not celebrating it fills me with horror. Firstly because, as a mum myself, I know I’d be really sad if I didn’t get a card from my own daughter, and secondly because, well, it’s Mother’s Day. It’s different. Isn’t it?

You don’t have to be Professor Robert Winston to know that asking a child to choose a favourite between their mother and their father is a bit of a no-no when it comes to child psychology. Could it possibly be true that I just appreciate my mum a tiny bit more than my dad? I refuse to accept this conclusion. So perhaps it is just that Father’s Day just doesn’t feel like a “proper” day. I need to do some research.

Where does Father’s Day come from?

The story according to Wikipedia (where all internet research seems to begin), is that the modern celebration of Father’s Day did begin in the USA in 1908.

“In West Virginia, it was first celebrated as a church service at Williams Memorial Methodist Episcopal Church South, now known as Central United Methodist Church. Grace Golden Clayton, who is believed to have suggested the service to the pastor, is believed to have been inspired to celebrate fathers after the deadly mine explosion in nearby Monongah the prior December. This explosion killed 361 men, many of them fathers and recent immigrants to the United States from Italy. Another possible inspiration for the service was Mothers’ Day, which had been celebrated for the first time two months prior in Grafton, West Virginia, a town about 15 miles (24 km) away.”

But it’s now celebrated in hundreds of countries around the world - from March to November. And in some countries it’s not just about “fathers”. For example, in Germany, Herrentag - “gentleman’s day” - is all about celebrating everything man. And of course, it involves drinking and hiking. In Mozambique, Man’s Day isn’t an annual event but a weekly one.

Despite these interesting variations, all my online research points to the fact that what we’ll be celebrating this Sunday (or not) is an event invented in the USA. But, the story is quite a sweet one, and doesn’t feel like a completely bogus marketing invention. It’s got me feeling slightly differently about the day - but I’m still not convinced.

Are mothers more important than fathers?

I move onto to some highly scientific quantitative and qualitative research to answer this next question. When I poll 50 or so of my colleagues and friends, asking: “How do you celebrate father’s / mother’s day?” I discover that just over half of them celebrate both. A third only celebrate Mother’s Day and the rest stay out of either. Not a single one of them said that they would only celebrate Father’s Day. The subject stirs up plenty of debate when I ask if this is because we prefer our Mas to our Pas. One colleague points out: “Surely it just depends on what role/importance they have (had) on your life. I only celebrate mother’s day as my parents separated when I was a young ‘un. Neither my dad or my step mum had any role in my upbringing so why should I give into another commercially promoted ‘tradition’?”

For another it’s much more straightforward: “I don’t celebrate Father’s Day because I always thought it was an American thing.”

Cut to the chase and give me some Father’s Day ideas

So, I’m no closer to making a decision - though I do plan to tell my dad how much I love and appreciate him very soon. If it happens to be on Sunday, and that message comes written in a card, is it really such a bad thing?

In the mean time, if you’re looking for ideas for ways to be nice to your dad that don’t line the pockets of card companies:

• You could do worse than start with this very useful list from Mashable.com.
• Or put up a pictorial big-up to the old man like this Flickr user has.
• Or a video specially made for dad?
• Of course, as with any other special event or occasion, e-cards are a great way to spread the love without cutting down trees.

Or maybe a just big hug would suffice?

IMAGE by Flickr user ShutterSparks